Total Forgiveness

I recently purchased the book Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall in my church bookstore. The title of the book immediately caught my attention since it has been the one thing that I struggle not only the most with but also the longest. I have experienced allot of hurt as well as seen others hurt from infidelity, rape, incest, abandonment, lying, and slander such as R.T. mentions in his book.  This has consistently been something that I have struggled with in my heart. How to let go and giving my hurt and fears to God and trust that no matter what grudge I hold against these individuals it is not my place for punishment.

"The ultimate proof of total forgiveness takes place when

we sincerely petition to the Father to let those individuals 

off the hook--even if they have hurt not only us but also those close to us."   

All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: That God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. (2 Cor. 5 18-19)

I remember back as a child my father having to plea to my Grandmother to take my four siblings and I in until he could locate my mother who had decided that she could no longer handle putting five children needs in front of her own. So that day not only were we abandoned by our mother but our father as well. By the Grace of God my grandmother who has always been a God fearing woman agreed to take us in and what we all thought would only be a few days until my father located my mother turned into our entire childhoods. At the time I remember crying for my mother often but not fully understanding not only how this would affect my life (since I was only five) but the position that God put my siblings and I in to blessed by the circumstances of the event. 

" It is demonstration of greater

grace when we are fully aware of what occurred and 

we still extend grace."

He knows every detail of what we have done-every sordid detail. But He chooses not to remember so as to not hold our sins against us. (Hebrews 8:12)

I have held onto that bitterness for years even on my mother’s death bed in 2005 as she asked me for forgiveness and begged that I come to be by her side in her final days. Although I loved my mother dearly an had begun to restore our relationship over the years a part of me still held that grudge of her abandoning us all those years ago. I remember my reply to my mother that day over the phone, "I forgive you Mamma and I love you too." I knew my mother needed to hear that from me and as much as I wanted to mean it that day I would soon discover that I was still filled with resentment and as hard as I tried to put all the hurt and painful memories behind me bitterness would slowly creep back into my heart. I knew that it would be a difficult task to totally forgive her and my father (who was murdered when I was eight) for not only abandoning us but everything they had put us through until then. This abandonment has been the cause and effect and of so many things in my life and I pray that God will feel my heart with the love of Jesus. My mother passed early the next morning alone and I felt like I let her down by making her feel abandoned in her last days. This completely tore me apart and the selfish and bitter part of my heart felt as though this was God's pay back but the Godly part knew that I should have been there for my mother.  

Forgiving those who have hurt us can be a very difficult task and R.T. speaks about the Different Types of Forgiveness described by Michelle Nelson: 

1. Detached forgiveness -there is a reduction in negative feelings toward the offender, but no reconciliation takes place. 

2. Limited forgiveness-there is a reduction in negative feelings toward the offender, and the relationship is partially restored, through there is a decrease in the emotional intensity of the relationship. 

3. Full Forgiveness-there is a total cessation of negative feelings toward the offender, and the relationship is fully restored. 

I have begun praying that I am able to continue to have peace about past transgressions and be able to say genuinely that I have totally forgiven these individuals without any bitterness in my heart.  More information about this book.