Total Forgiveness

I recently purchased the book Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall in my church bookstore. The title of the book immediately caught my attention since it has been the one thing that I struggle not only the most with but also the longest. I have experienced allot of hurt as well as seen others hurt from infidelity, rape, incest, abandonment, lying, and slander such as R.T. mentions in his book.  This has consistently been something that I have struggled with in my heart. How to let go and giving my hurt and fears to God and trust that no matter what grudge I hold against these individuals it is not my place for punishment.

"The ultimate proof of total forgiveness takes place when

we sincerely petition to the Father to let those individuals 

off the hook--even if they have hurt not only us but also those close to us."   

All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: That God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. (2 Cor. 5 18-19)

I remember back as a child my father having to plea to my Grandmother to take my four siblings and I in until he could locate my mother who had decided that she could no longer handle putting five children needs in front of her own. So that day not only were we abandoned by our mother but our father as well. By the Grace of God my grandmother who has always been a God fearing woman agreed to take us in and what we all thought would only be a few days until my father located my mother turned into our entire childhoods. At the time I remember crying for my mother often but not fully understanding not only how this would affect my life (since I was only five) but the position that God put my siblings and I in to blessed by the circumstances of the event. 

" It is demonstration of greater

grace when we are fully aware of what occurred and 

we still extend grace."

He knows every detail of what we have done-every sordid detail. But He chooses not to remember so as to not hold our sins against us. (Hebrews 8:12)

I have held onto that bitterness for years even on my mother’s death bed in 2005 as she asked me for forgiveness and begged that I come to be by her side in her final days. Although I loved my mother dearly an had begun to restore our relationship over the years a part of me still held that grudge of her abandoning us all those years ago. I remember my reply to my mother that day over the phone, "I forgive you Mamma and I love you too." I knew my mother needed to hear that from me and as much as I wanted to mean it that day I would soon discover that I was still filled with resentment and as hard as I tried to put all the hurt and painful memories behind me bitterness would slowly creep back into my heart. I knew that it would be a difficult task to totally forgive her and my father (who was murdered when I was eight) for not only abandoning us but everything they had put us through until then. This abandonment has been the cause and effect and of so many things in my life and I pray that God will feel my heart with the love of Jesus. My mother passed early the next morning alone and I felt like I let her down by making her feel abandoned in her last days. This completely tore me apart and the selfish and bitter part of my heart felt as though this was God's pay back but the Godly part knew that I should have been there for my mother.  

Forgiving those who have hurt us can be a very difficult task and R.T. speaks about the Different Types of Forgiveness described by Michelle Nelson: 

1. Detached forgiveness -there is a reduction in negative feelings toward the offender, but no reconciliation takes place. 

2. Limited forgiveness-there is a reduction in negative feelings toward the offender, and the relationship is partially restored, through there is a decrease in the emotional intensity of the relationship. 

3. Full Forgiveness-there is a total cessation of negative feelings toward the offender, and the relationship is fully restored. 

I have begun praying that I am able to continue to have peace about past transgressions and be able to say genuinely that I have totally forgiven these individuals without any bitterness in my heart.  More information about this book. 

Mason Jar Manicure Kit

I have been thinking about a gift to send my boys teachers for the first day of school that would be cute and cheap but useful. I came across this idea on Pinterest. Here's a simple gift you can gift to celebrate your child teacher mother, sisters, friends, even co-workers for the first day of school, Christmas, Valentine’s Day or even Mother’s Day, a mini manicure set. This is a great budget friendly gift idea which can be as inexpensive or expensive as you want. I created a simple flower made from fabric or tissue that can be hot glued to the top of your jar. (Please use this link for instructions on making your bow).

Of course, you can create any combination of products and tools that you want.

To create your Manicure kit in a jar you will need to include:

Nail polish remover

Favorite nail color (personalize to individuals personality)

Cotton Balls

Nail File

Emory board

Fingernail clippers

Custom Monograms

For those of you who are planning weddings or Anniversary parties here is a fun site called wedding chicks  that I found which allows you the opportunity to create custom monograms for wedding stationary. Check out a few of the monograms and free printable invitations that you can create. 

Keep Calm When Turning Thirty

It seems like just yesterday I was 17 and so ready to have the full responsibility of what adulthood brings. I have always been independent and a individual thinker but now almost 13 years later I find myself longing for my innocence again. 

A few months ago I turned the ripe age of 30 and as bitter as it may taste at times I can't help but to look around and be thankful for all of the wonderful blessings God has blessed me with in my life. Getting older can be a bit overwhelming at times but I am so grateful that with all the challenges and battles that I have faced over the last 30 years that I can still honestly smile and feel true joy. 

For the BIG 30 I spent 4 days with FIVE of the most amazing influences in my life ....My four siblings and INCREDIBLE husband Jamaul along with all of my beautiful nieces and nephews in Myrtle Beach, NC.  We had the greatest time catching up, since we all live in different states and rarely get the opportunity to see each other. It was the best birthday I could ask for. 

I now realize that each day has it's own set of worries, challenges, and tests, but I am learning that with growth comes strength and wisdom which at times frightens me but excites me even more. So to worry about what tomorrow brings is a waste and will only bring unwanted hair dye and expensive botox.

 I feel like I am getting smarter (that may not be me saying much..lol!). It is truly amazing to look back at myself at the age of 7 drawing pictures to hang on my wall and cutting up my Grandmothers best Sunday outfits to make clothing for my dolls, searching through the JC Penny's catalog to determine what would go in my home when I grew up and of course my favorite past time was daydreaming about what beautiful life I would have when I get BIG.  

(I know I was something amazing huh!) 

It's incredible how much I was right about at the age of 7.....smh.